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Bankrupto
Yesterday as an added little treat
To my never ending wave of complications
I had to visit the county courts
To make myself bankrupt
Armed with a 105 sheets of paperwork
And a book to read
I entered the waiting room
There were three other bankruptees present
I sat down and opened my book
As I did so the two to my left sparked up a conversation
With each other...not with me
It was an exchange list of credit misdemeanours
Really boring unintelligent observations
Please...fucking shut up
I can't concentrate on my book
After several forced attempts
My mind landed on my book
And I managed to shut the oinks out for a while
Half an hour later I was called to a room by a young man
He went through the paperwork
And passed things back for me to sign
During one of the signings I had to shuffle through a number of pages
I stopped
There occupying a whole half a page
Was a drawing in bright orange crayon
Of a flying man in a mac
I laughed and turned it round to show the clerk
"Junior must have drawn on this and put it back in the printer tray"
He laughed
And then said that it would be great if all the reasons for bankruptcy were presented as a cartoon picture board
Yeah
This man invested all his money in a magic flying mac company
But it didn't quite come off
I went downstairs and coughed up £500
Then back up to wait in another room
It was all over with a lot quicker than I thought
The Judge didn't want to see me
He just sign the papers in my absence
And I was told I could go
Hey hey....Soy Bankrupto
Or is it Estoy Bankrupto?
I returned home
And spent the afternoon watching 'The Ghost and Mrs Muir'
An old B+W movie with Rex Harrison
I love old black and whites
They are just perfect for afternoons
I woke up on the couch at around 4 o clock
I got up and consulted my new bus timetable book
My new travel bible for my new life as a pedestrian
There was a small matter of a doctors appointment
A week had passed since the hospital do
So I thought I better go and see the old boy and give him a bit of a progress prod
I got on the bus but was beaten to my chosen seat by a woman
So I sat in the middle at the back
Then the woman starts to chat loudly with another woman
About playing golf in the rain
And about summer colds being worse than winter ones
Then another woman got on and sat opposite
She knew the man next to me
And they fired up some vintage small talk
So small that my memory can't see it to relate it back
What the fuck is the matter with all these people?
Buses used to be full of people sitting in silence
Now they are all chatting to each other
I can't concentrate on my book
I had to move to the middle of the bus
So I could hear myself read
My doctor is old ex hippie
Quite charming
He ushered me in
Then mentioned he had heard a rumour of a heart operation
I thought he was going to say Dr Fu or Dr Holmberg
But no...he said...Mrs Lloyd
It was a taxi rumour...one started by myself
Mrs Lloyd is the wife of my ex-taxi owner
I forgot that she worked for a GP organisation
I waved it away and told The Doc my interpretation of the hospital saga
He still hadn't received any word of it yet
When I mention right side completely jammed
He sat forward...eyes wide
He inquired about chest pains
So I told him about the other day
He became quite excited at this
And started tapping about on his computer
Then he said that if I ever get another standing chest pain again
I need to ring 999
That spray that you used is to help relief from a mobile chest pain
Like walking up the stairs
Getting them while standing still can mean big trouble
Soon he was on the phone to the registrar in the cardiac department
They discussed my case at length
In between we discussed the topic of cholesterol
I was trying to kick start some kind of investigation into how I came to be in this situation
I asked how long a man can survive with a cholesterol level of ten
He didn't know
I would have to speak to a clinical pathologist about such things
And it would take months to get to speak to one of them
Bloody hell...just a simple short question...how long?
These specialists are like deities
You've got to make offerings at their temple for months before they will listen to your prayers
Then I threw in a clue that I had recalled
In 2000 I had a Toxic Erythema
A huge breakout of boils everywhere but on my head
The specialist at the time said it was liver related
Doctor looked interested
And looked it up on the history
At last possible progress
Aha...he said...Yeah
It says here you contracted it from swimming in a volcanic pool
What?...a volcanic pool?
I've never been near a volcanic pool
“What are you talking about?”
“That's what it says here...I'm not making it up”
I gave up that avenue..he always has that ability to throw me with the bizarre
I am not going to venture down that avenue until all this other nonsense is fixed
Once this is settled I will raise a mental army and campaign tirelessly to get to the bottom of all this
He finished the call to the registrar
They had come to an agreement
That I was a high risk
And that I should be put to the top of the list
It was now likely that I would be on the trolley within the month
He wrote out a prescription for some new drugs
Ones that were going to slow my heart down
I got the tablets from a late chemist
And am now doped
Any thoughts of industry have gone
I am doped
I stare at the telly
I am doped
I am Happy
I am doped
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