What To Do
By the time I reached this stormy Sunday
Much had changed in my mind
When I left the hospital on Tuesday
It was the hottest day of the year
Despite the bad news
I felt positive
But as the first night approached
I still had too many nagging questions
Dr Fu disappeared as quickly as he appeared
I was a bit too stunned to formulate anything
I soon realised that surfing around on the net was a bad idea
It was just stuffed with bad stories
When I reached the fact about cracking open my breast bone
I stopped and left it well alone
The following morning I woke up heavy in the head
My spirit had some thick layers to push through
I had to adjust quickly to my new duties
School in the morning and the afternoon
This didn't didn't sit well with me
I hardly know any of the other parents
Even worse...I partly know some of them
And some of them completely ignore me
Not even a hello
To make matters even more tedious
Junior seems to have isolated himself at school
He barely has a friend left
I sat watching his trials in the park after school
From behind a book...from which I would occaisionally pop a look
As he would struggle to be involved
It all ended with him being shoved out of a game of football
He disappeared into the bushes to sulk or brood (he's 6)
It was hard to watch
I wanted to bring down Thor's hammer on proceedings
"Look you fucking assholes give him a fucking break!"
I went to fish him out of the bushes and took him home
The next following morning I woke up more heavy in the head
My spirit had some more layers smothering it
I took off to the school
Two of my neighbours passed me and ignored me
Another nearly did
I went to the park for a morning coffee
And pondered
I had already been in the taxi office and offered my services in the radio room
But maybe too many of my bridges were on fire for that one to come off
I thought about other work
And thought about it all day long
As I pottered around all over the place
Ending up back at the park after school
I decided to hide away from the other parents in the cafe
I must have still been recuperating from Tuesday
Pottering had wiped me out
I was starting to realise that maybe I wasn't going to be back at work of any sorts
For quite some time
I moved out of the cafe in the end
And observed Junior's interactions with the other kids
He was doing a bit better today
But I realised that he was making a rod for his own back
He is just way too bossy
Something else for me think about
Another morning along and I started to improve
Not so heavy
As I relaxed...reading in the hammock
I decided to get up and do a few chores
I had noticed that my mind kept thinking up things to do
No end of them
So I picked out three to get on with
But half way through the first chore
Several other things would cross my mind
Until one would hit me that seemed imperative
And I would distract myself to it
After some time I would realise and return back to the original
In this case... washing the pots
But it seemed I had the mind of a fly
The routing rigour of cab driving had formatted my brain
A right angled change of mind every minute
I decided to write down my tasks
And if I thought of another
Then I was only allowed to write it down
Not start it
I must finish the first one on the list
The last thing of note for the moment
Was later on in the day
I had a chest pain
It was on the right hand side
The side that they told me is completely blocked
It bugged me for an hour
Then I decided to look for that spray that the doctor had given me
The one that I had dismissed into the
"Won't need that pile"
The one that dilates the blood vessels
Surprisingly I found it
Five minutes later the pain had gone
That was a bit depressing
It confirmed 'heart pain'
And puzzled me at the same time
A few days ago I seemed to be a reasonably fit active worker bee
Now they have told me exactly what is wrong
I seem to be reacting to that information
Playing the part of a sick man
Like they told me I am
I am aware of the brink on which I am sitting
Still no letter
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